Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
