This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize