it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
