I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
