If i could tip my vagina, i would.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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