Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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