Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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