Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
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