is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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