oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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