last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
