I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
