I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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