If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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