What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
