Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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