So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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