Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
