i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
ttyl tear gas
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
