a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
