i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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