people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
