Don't make out with my wife yet
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
This is my gift to your gina
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Randomize
