Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
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Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
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I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Sorry about my life...
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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