is your mom at the bar?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
