here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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