It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
