before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
