I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
