I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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