A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
