Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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