Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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