dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
