you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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