the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
