The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Dear god my vagina.
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