Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
