I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
