do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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