you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
