my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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