i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
