the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
