I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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