Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
