Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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