she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
This baby is an asshole
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
