Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Everything about him screamed your future.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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