i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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