I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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