When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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