You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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