i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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