totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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