FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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