Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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