I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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