I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
