there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
