Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
