Say something about gay babies.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
