It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
