OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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