Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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