Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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