I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
