i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
