you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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