Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
