We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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