arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
