I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Randomize
